31 July 2012

the third annual summer cleaning song

Re-organised tea cupboard, 2010
Some of my friends will likely recall the cleaning-themed songs that I sent them the last two summers; I will post those here eventually.  For now, here is this summer's song, which I wrote when I should have been cleaning. 






I've Got to Clean  (to the tune of 'I've Got a Dream' from Tangled)

    In my fridge, it’s rather scary;
    I think there’s moulding dairy;
my pantry and my shelves are not the neatest.
    but despite the crumbs and dust,
    and that little spot of rust,
someday my housework will be most completest.

There are clothes I’ve got to wash before tomorrow,
others for next week, and in between,
    but the first of my agenda
    is to wash my mini-blender,
for ’way down in this mess I’ve got to clean.

I’ve got to clean, I’ve got to clean,
and I know one day my house will be pristine;
    though my laundry-list is growing,
    still my efforts are not slowing:
like everybody else, I’ve got to clean.

    I’ve got baskets full of towels,
    an attic full of owls,
and let’s not even look beneath the drier;
    but despite my mothy shawls
    and the mice behind the walls,
to cleanliness I always will aspire.

Can’t you see me with white walls and whiter carpet,
pictured in a ladies’ magazine?
    Though a cobweb’s in each corner,
    I will never grow forlorner,
for ’way down in this mess I’ve got to clean.

I’ve got to clean, I’ve got to clean,
till my footprints on the tile are unseen;
    and I’d rather go on sweeping
    than take the time for sleeping,
like everybody else, I’ve got to clean.

Need to dig my desk from piles of paper,
need to find a pen that still has ink,
    need to throw out junk,
    and need to scrub off all the gunk;
        need to stitch,
        need to sew,
    need to finish my trousseau,
and need to dust (guess what) ceramic unicorns.

    Now I’ve cleaned all day—I swear it!—
    as frenzied as a ferret,
kept scrubbing with my elbows growing stiffer,
    until through the window-pane
    you could see my shining drain,
and see me dancing, brandishing a Swiffer!

I’ve got to clean, I’ve got to clean,
and my house will someday be a lovely scene,
    so with every passing minute,
    I’ll be gladder to be in it;
like all you lovely folks, I’ve got to clean.

I’ve got to clean, I’ve got to clean,
and when all the rooms are sparkling and serene,
I’ll be a queen.

Call me tragic, idiotic,
mad, or hopelessly quixotic,
but ’way down in this mess I’ve got to clean.
I’ve got to clean, I’ve got to clean,
yes, ’way down in this mess I’ve got to clean!

3 comments:

  1. Hahaha, brilliant. That's one of the songs the kids perform at camp this week, so I know every word and note of the original. You've done quite well by it.

    (a favorite related camp moment: last week, somehow no one noticed until the final performance that the little girl whose solo included the line about ceramic unicorns was pronouncing it with a hard C - "Vladimir collects keramic unicorns!". It was so cute.)

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  2. Naomi just serenaded us with all your verses! Lots of fun! (Now she's on to the original song...)

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